Thursday, July 30, 2009

A Sort of Therapy: Part Four

I have been writing a lot but I feel the need for all of this to come out...

Anyway, MB told me that I needed to stay away from him and perhaps take the other girl's advice and call the police. I was afraid. I didn't want to. She reminded me of his past and having heard that he was bi-polar and would not take medicine for it. I thought he might possibly be schizophrenic.

So I drove back to my parents' place, shaking all the way. I was so tired. I felt like I was having an out of body experience or something. I didn't know what I would say to my parents. I got home and my mom was in the living room. She could tell something was wrong right away. I just started shaking and crying and was so scared. I told her the majority of it. She told me to stay away from him and that I should call the police. I just wanted to sleep.

I think I did sleep for awhile and then called some abuse hotline later that night. They basically told me to get a restraining order against him. Of course, I didn't, and then I figured that I should just stay away from him altogether. And I did for awhile.

People always want to know why abused people go back to their abusers. I don't know! I guess you hope for change, or that they'll see what they're doing and stop. Some people are afraid to leave. Some people are afraid to accept the truth.

So MA bought his own house eventually. Though our relationship was weird, to say the least, I still very much cared for him and just wanted him to be okay. I thought that I was the only one that sort of understood him (hahaha - yeah, right!). I would go to his house and hang out every now and again. He seemed somewhat ok. He had patched things up with one of the guys from that night and the guy was living there with him and renting a room during school. He was also hanging out with some guys from high school that he was good friends with from before.

Around this time I rented a small house by myself right in town for a few months in the summer. I wanted to be in town and it was pretty cheap. The guy that owned it was friends with MA's dad. So anyway, a girl from work (MP) asked me if I wanted to go to a frat party with her and her friends. I said yeah, they could all come over to my place and get ready and we'd go. If they wanted to stay at my house that night, they could. The other two girls were going to go back to their dorms, and MP was going to spend the night at my place, we decided. Well, MA had asked me what I was doing that night, and I told him I had plans to go to a party with MP and her friends. While we were all getting ready at my place, MA and his friend (MC - a guy we had gone to high school with) came over. They would not leave. MA told me that they wanted to go too. I was mad. I told him that he wasn't invited. So he told me he'd just follow me. So they came with us in the end. I tried to distance myself from MA at the party. One frat guy had been talking to me (very briefly - I can't even remember about what). MA got extremely pissed. He ordered me outside and was yelling at me, then said he was going back inside to "fix" that guy. Of course, he ruined the whole thing - we hadn't even been there for an hour. We all got in the car and MA came running out from behind the frat house saying that he just messed that guy up. We left and took MA and MC back to MA's place. MP had this shocked look on her face the whole time. I was so mad. I can't even remember what I said to MA when we got back to his place, but I started walking back to the car after they got out. MA flew into a rage, ran back at me, pushed me up against the car and was screaming in my face. MC tried to pull him off of me but MA just kept coming back. MP was screaming at him too and got me into the car. I was so upset. We were afraid all night that MA would come to my house, but he didn't. MC later told me over the phone that he never saw MA act like that unless he was around me.

So MP went to work and told everyone how bad things were between MA and me. I had told them some things, but I don't think they knew how bad things really got until then. Some of them all got together and wrote me a letter telling me that I had to get away from him before I ended up dead.

I think after that I distanced myself from him. I moved out of the little house and back in with my parents. I didn't speak to him for awhile. Then one day MB called me to tell me that MA had been in a fight and had nearly died. Apparently, the friend that was living with him got into a fight with MA over something really ridiculous, like keeping the kitchen clean or something. MA grabbed a gun and threatened his friend with it. The friend grabbed an axe and stuck it into MA's head. The friend called 911 and got the hell out of there. MA had lost a lot of blood and was taken to the hospital. It was said that he would not make it through the night. His last rites were read to him. But he pulled through. She thought I might want to know that.

So you'd think with something that horrific it would be life changing. I thought he might finally "wake up" and settle down. I went to seem him. I was really scared at first. By this time he was at home again. The axe missed his brain by a hair, I guess. He had a nasty looking mark with stitches going up near the center of his head, just starting below the hair line. His eyes were swollen and black and blue. His whole face was puffy. I didn't know what to say. He said, "I asked for you at the hospital." I told him that I didn't know and was sorry I was not there. I asked him about the incident but he didn't have much to say other than if he saw his old friend again he'd kill him. So much for change.

He did seem to mellow out a little bit then. It wasn't for long though. During the mellow time he had the audacity to ask me to have a baby with him! I was mortified. I could not think of anything more stupid that I could get myself into. I told him how unstable our relationship was just a ridiculous idea. We did not last much longer after that. Then he eventually threatened the remaining friends he had with a gun...they all ditched him and that was really the last I knew of him. He would call me here and there to see how things were going. He always tried to get me to come back. But I had finally come to my senses.

In the meantime, I had changed jobs. My next post will be all about that.